On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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