I think im going to throw up on grandma
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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