i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Found your dick twin last night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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