remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do vagina's smell?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
