I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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