The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
