my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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