Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
