I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
