It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
