you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
