haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
