Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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