I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize