I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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