goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
