good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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