Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
