she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
