Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
