I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
ok first of all what the fuck
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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