when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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