On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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