I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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