I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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