So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
