When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
