I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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