i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
