I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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