i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
