I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
