just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were trust falling into bushes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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