I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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