some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
