We're like a lot better than the average bears
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
