real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
