she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
