like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize