I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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