i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
