I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i drank out of a bidet.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
