He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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