Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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