I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
