That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
