Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize