A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
