their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
