So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
