Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
