haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
