i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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