Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
