You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
