We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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