Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
