just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
