but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
