im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize