Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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