she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
