The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize