woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
