break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
