so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
